Day 30: and as many lessons
I truly cannot belive today is the final day of #30DaysOnFire. How is that possible?!
I have learned valuable lessons, experienced incredible things, and grown more than I could've ever imagined.
But it's difficult to know how to best wrap-up a journey like this, how to appropriately celebrate its successful completion.
A big reveal party like on What Not to Wear? A formal announcement of my future plans? (Spoiler: there aren't any.) A detailed Facebook post boasting of my metamorphosis? A letter written to my previous employer vehemently telling them how much of a better person I am without them?
All very tempting options.
It's been a life-changing month: 30 days, and as many lessons. So to cap it all off, here they are. All 30 of 'em. (I know, 30 lessons is a long list. But I can't help it, I've learned a lot!)
30 things I've learned from a month of "being relentless in pursuit of what sets my soul on fire."
There’s no point in waiting. I waited and waited for the perfect moment to quit my job. But perfect moments for imperfect situations don’t exist. If I’d stayed in that “almost paradise" mindset, I’d still be in that toxic workplace. Honestly, I wish I’d done it sooner.
People might not get it. I’d been secretly thinking for a while about leaving my job when over lunch one day a coworker started talking about Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) and how disgusted she was by “well-off white women running away from real life to find themselves.” Gulp. That was exactly what I was planning on doing: leaving work to “find myself.” Quitting a seemingly successful career for “the relentless pursuit of what set my soul on fire” was at times hard to explain. Yes, I quit my job. Because I wasn’t happy. No, I don’t have another one. But it’s ok if people don’t get it. Because I got it. I believed whole-heartedly in it. And I knew it was the right decision for me.
But what’s right for you isn't right for everyone. I felt confident in my decision to leave, but I so desperately hoped others - who I knew were as miserable as I was -would leave, too. I had to learn it’s not my job to tell everyone else what’s best for them. Note to self: back off.
Being happy means more than always smiling. Happiness is something that comes from within and shines from the deepest part of our souls. Don't fake it, find it.
No one will hold you accountable but you. I knew I could A) wake up at 5:45 AM, work out, come home, and get my day started. Or, I could B) lay in bed ’til 11:00 then watch TV all day. The only person who would know would be me. I chose A, and stuck to it. Just because I was the only one watching doesn't mean I should let myself down.
Guilt is a form of narcissism. Anna Faris said this on her podcast and it seriously changed my life. “Oh my god, I did/didn’t do X. I did/didn’t accomplish Y. I did/didn’t say Z. I messed up. I feel so guilty.” But the world doesn't revolve around me. I am the only one getting hung up on X, Y, and Z. No one else notices or cares. Time to get over myself.
The only person whose opinion matters is your own. Period. I was so worried about what my friends would think about my blog. What if they think it’s stupid? So what. It’s not their life, it’s mine. And I own it.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s on inspirational posters in every hallway and office and classroom, but it’s true. So I repeated it to myself like a mantra and kept my head high and eyes forward. Be proud.
But give ‘em the benefit of the doubt. As afraid as I was for people to read my blog - as much as I guarded myself with the armor of “The only person whose opinion matters is your own,” and “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” - people were kind. Supportive. Encouraging. Those who love me most and know me best were rooting for me, not waiting for me to fail.
It's not selfish to find your happy. Yes - there are other, more important things going on in the world. Recognize that. But I can’t let it diminish or belittle what I am doing. We must prioritize ourselves. No one else will.
Confidence is everything. I had to learn to be completely and utterly unapologetic when describing my project. Once we believe in ourselves, they will, too. (And if they don’t? Their loss.)
Ignore the pressure. We put enough pressure on ourselves. Don’t let other people pile it on, too. When I quit my job, every single coworker said, “We'll see you in the movies!” I felt totally overwhelmed by their expectations. What if I don’t make it big? What if I fail? What if I never get another job? They’ll all laugh at me! But I don't have to prove anything to anyone. They don’t possess the power to intimidate me.
Life is short and it will go by very, very quickly. So I want to have fun and be happy. But I also want to take myself and my dreams seriously, before it’s too late.
There will always be distractions. Phones, computers, iPads, that bird outside the window, the conversation at the next table… We can’t put blinders on. So soak it up, drink it in, then get back to work.
Physical space affects head space. So I can’t expect to do my best work sitting on the couch with Cheez-It crumbs on my shirt and in my hair with my sweaty running socks piled on the floor. Create a zen space that allows ideas to flow freely.
Even the best laid plans and most organized schedules come undone. And that's ok. I planned every day to a T. That doesn’t necessarily mean things stuck to my schedule. I had to learn not to beat myself up over that. Accept it. Release it. Keep going.
“Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.” When I started this experiment, I pictured every day being filled with nothing but green tea, incense, and introspection. Ha! It wasn’t always picture perfect. But it was undoubtedly wonderful.
If you try hard enough you can justify anything, but that doesn't mean you should. I set rules for myself like, “No TV during the day.” But watching Jimmy Kimmel clips at lunch, that’s ok, right? I mean, I want to be a talk show host one day - this is professional development! Research! No. It’s not. I had to stop lying to myself.
But accept joy in any form it appears. I had to accept it’s ok if things other than meditating in the park and eating raw quinoa bread give me joy. Watching Netflix at the end of a long day with my boyfriend gives me a lot of joy. Embrace that! It doesn't have to be worthy of #MondayMotivation or #WednesdayWisdom to warrant making me happy.
We can learn from everyone around us. Not just inspirational self-help gurus and world-renowned motivational speakers. So keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to people you encounter every day.
People will notice. Yes, I did this for me and me alone. But don’t be fooled, people will like you better and enjoy spending more time with you when you’re your happiest self.
Being happy isn't always easy. Some things that make me happy are hard. Having a clean room makes me happy. Cleaning my room sucks. An early morning workout makes me happy. Getting up before the sun isn’t easy. Do it anyway.
Time spent "just getting things done" can still be time well spent. I would constantly beat myself up for spending time running errands, tackling my to-do list, going to the grocery store, getting my hair trimmed, whatever. Until I realized how I do those things can change everything. Instead of gossiping with my hairdresser, I found myself closing my eyes and meditating in the chair. Instead of dreading trips to the store, I’d ask my boyfriend if he wanted to come with me and spend time together, even doing something as mundane as buying groceries.
More than one thing can set your soul on fire. I found myself getting caught up in finding my “thing.” But I don't have to have one thing that defines me. I can have a hundred things that make me happy and ignite my soul. The more the merrier. Literally.
Life goes on. I didn't get a call from Penguin offering me a book deal. Ellen didn't ask me to come on her show. CNN didn’t beg me to be their new nighttime anchor. But I am happier, healthier, and wiser. And that’s worth every minute.
Some cliches are true. “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.” “The early bird gets the worm.” “Yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery.” As a writer, cliches are a big no-no. But maybe I should listen to these words of wisdom more often.
Maybe my sweating problem wasn't related to work…. Enough said.
Find what relaxes you and make time for it. For me, writing is therapeutic. Even if no one in the entire world ever laid eyes on this blog, I’d keep writing. Nothing can replace the liberating feeling of getting thoughts down on the page. So I want to continue to make time for blogging and journaling as much as I can.
Some things never change. In the last month, I’ve: Left my job. Changed my schedule. Given up health insurance. Lacked an income. Started elderly care. Done some babysitting. Eaten less sushi and more canned soup. A lot has changed. But some things haven’t: the unconditional love and support of my family. My steadfast belief in myself. And knowing that nothing is as important as my happiness.
It’s true: Life is either really long, or really short. Either way, you better do what makes you happy.
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